I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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