I love having hate sex.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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