I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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