It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
