its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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