You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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