im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
