my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize