Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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