yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
