Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
