He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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