Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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