so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
