I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
