I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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