you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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