saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
