Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
