just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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