I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
