I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
