Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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