How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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