I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
