mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sext me about skeletons
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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