it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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