When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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