so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
