I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
