i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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