they need to just BURY HIM!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
