How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Couch. On fire.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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