Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
