I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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