Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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