When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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