i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize