We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
