I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
