I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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