Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
