he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
