I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
