hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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