Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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