it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
