Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
