So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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