I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
