Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
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I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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