Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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