Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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