I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
