Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
