I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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