I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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