I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hippo gnu deer
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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