Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
