I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also, beer. Big fan.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
