After last night, I could never be a politician.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
