My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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