These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
