those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
