Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
