You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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