I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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